L'identità paterna non è qualcosa di vago, che ciascuno si può costruire come le pare, ma è qualcosa di ben definito, diverso dal ruolo del padre, che può cambiare nel tempo e nelle società. Per es., durante il nazismo il compito del padre era quello di confermare le idee del Führer. Ci devono essere, quindi, degli aspetti specifici, altrimenti questa figura è assente. "Se quello che i mortali desiderano, potesse avverarsi, per prima cosa vorrei il ritorno del padre": è Telemaco, il figlio di Ulisse a parlare così, nell'Odissea. Egli è una delle prime figure che, nelle grandi narrazioni dell'umanità, testimonia l'angoscia del figlio senza padre (avere un padre è, infatti, un bisogno profondo dell'individuo). |
Dopo Telemaco, vennero molti altri "orfani". Ed oggi sono legioni.
I tratti salienti del padre, che oggi vengono taciuti, sono:
Creatore
La prima qualità, che a livello profondo ogni persona sente nel padre, è quella di colui che gli ha dato la vita, l'ha generato. La vita inizia dal padre, poiché è lui che mette in moto il processo della vita.
L'identità, che è diversa dal ruolo sociale, si costruisce partendo dalle proprie origini. L'uomo senza padre è un personaggio privo d'autore, senza contesto. Ad es. Edipo finisce a letto con la madre, perché ha ucciso il padre, e, ha ucciso il padre, proprio perché non sapeva chi fosse!
Senza sapere la propria origine si fa fatica a sapere dove andare, ad individuare un destino ed una meta.
La qualità di creatore rende il padre rappresentazione e figura del Padre Eterno; custode familiare e rappresentante sociale della legge per conto dell'ordine naturale e simbolico divino. Essere figli, creature, aiuta ad accedere al simbolico e, quindi, alla fede in un Dio Padre.
Nell'esperienza religiosa, infatti, gli attributi del padre sono percepiti come propri di Dio: dare la vita, essere vigile e presente, conoscere il figlio, accompagnarne il destino, dare una legge, punire?
Altro importante compito del padre è l'educazione al lavoro (impegno, apprezzamento per l'eccellenza, capacità di reggere alla fatica?).
Il padre assicura al figlio, oltre alla fiducia sulle sue origini, la libertà. Tutto l'umano assume una forma definita, ed acquista il suo dinamismo, nel segno del padre, che lo genera, così come acquista tranquillità e sicurezza affettiva nell'esperienza della madre, che lo accoglie.
Col padre viene mantenuta l'irrinunciabile novità di ogni individuo, destinato, ognuno a modo suo, a trasformare il mondo. I figli sono, infatti, portatori di cambiamento e novità. Per essere un figlio che cambia il mondo occorre però un padre consapevole che quello è il tuo destino, e che ti confermi in questa direzione.
Gli effetti dell'eclissi del padre e della religiosità sono perdita di senso della vita, solitudine, sentimento di abbandono, timore di non farcela a reggere il peso della vita. Senza un'esperienza significativa del padre non è possibile provare un sentimento di tranquillo affidamento nella vita, ma si avrà una smania di controllo sull'esistenza. Oggi, una patologia diffusa è l'ansia di onnipotenza e di immortalità: la cultura dominante è patologica con la sua pretesa paranoica di decidere della vita e della morte.
Padre come colui che porta nel figlio l'esperienza della ferita come qualcosa di positivo
Il segno del padre è quello della ferita, cioè una perdita attraverso cui avviene una trasformazione (per es. la perdita dell'adolescenza per diventare adulti). Egli è l'agente di questo cambiamento, poiché conduce alla ferita e inizia al senso del dolore. Testimonia ossia che la vita non è solo appagamento, conferma, rassicurazione; ma anche perdita, mancanza, fatica. Fa riconoscere al figlio l'ineluttabilità della sofferenza e del male e aiuta a elaborarli per crescere.
Questo aspetto è espresso compiutamente sul Golgota con il Figlio che viene trafitto nel nome del Padre, che vuole la sua morte, perché possa scaturire il cambiamento del mondo.
Nella società occidentale, invece, si vuole crescere senza ferite e senza sofferenza. Nessuno vuole salire sulla croce e, del resto, la madre non è - a sua volta - ai piedi della croce come Maria.
I cittadini della società senza padre vedono la perdita come un affronto personale, più che come una prova dell'esistenza, legata al destino spirituale dell'individuo. La perdita diventata incomprensibile e inaccettabile. Nessuno accetta, ad esempio, di non essere più giovane.
Il sacrificio, inteso come rinuncia necessaria per ottenere qualcosa, attraverso un investimento sul proprio futuro, sembra sempre più doloroso, impossibile da reggere. Tra tutte le perdite, quella più inaccettabile, è naturalmente la morte, esperienza ormai privata di senso e di sacralità.
La prima ferita, affettiva e psicologica, che il padre deve infliggere, è l'interruzione della simbiosi con la madre, per permettere lo sviluppo della personalità del bambino. Il figlio sviluppa, così, una identità separata e può investire affettivamente in un altro soggetto. A livello simbolico vuol dire creare soggetti distinti: io, tu, lui.
Questa rottura deve essere fatta dal padre e non dalla madre, perché questo è contrario alla natura della donna; altrimenti il figlio non avrà una vita autonoma, ma tenderà a permanere all'interno di un alveo familiare.
Il bimbo è fuso col mondo dei suoi bisogni, che sono anche i suoi affetti: "lo desidero, devo averlo". E' la funzione di correzione, impersonata dal padre, a distoglierlo dalla confusione col mondo della materia e delle cose. In questa fase dell'educazione il bambino impara a rinunciare. Il padre è il fuoco della volontà.
Quando verrà la perdita, esperienza non evitabile nella vita umana, essa non lo distruggerà psicologicamente e spiritualmente. Anzi, egli saprà trarne il succo più prezioso: l'amore. L'intervento del padre, dunque, limita la vita del giovane, ma per renderlo più forte.
Difatti, il bambino viziato diventa sempre più irrequieto, cerca disperatamente di ricevere un contenimento,un arresto, una norma.
Il principio di autorità è, infatti, costitutivo della personalità e condizione per il suo sviluppo. La sua assenza provoca nell'individuo alti livelli di ansia e disistima. Inoltre, se non bisogna più obbedire al padre, perché allora assecondare il vigile, il bigliettaio, chiunque chiede di obbedire a una norma? Adeguarsi alla norma, reggere il confronto del piano di realtà, diventa difficilissimo senza un padre che introduca alla società.
Nella fase in cui il giovane si confronta col divieto, con la norma paterna, la nuova personalità si addestra al confronto adulto: o fa propria la norma oppure la rifiuta, ma per costruire con uno stile differente un mondo diverso.
La società dell'assenza del padre è anche quella dell'assenza della norma morale.
Il padre svolge la funzione di ponte tra l'individuo giovane e la società: egli insegna quell'amore di sé che si esprime, innanzitutto, nella responsabilità individuale e nella cura degli altri. Il programma paterno è intrinsecamente comunitario e solidale, proprio perché riflesso di una visione trascendente.
L'uomo adulto, portatore della norma, sperimenta di non essere onnipotente, di essere vincolato a regole, a volte penose, che deve rispettare. Questa accettazione dolorosa, libera però dall'ansia. I concetti base dell'etica sono indispensabile per sviluppare la volontà.
La società senza padre ha invece tolto di mezzo l'apprendimento, che proprio nel confronto col padre avviene, di come contenere e trasformare la propria aggressività.
Come si è arrivati alla situazione attuale di assenza della figura del padre?
C'è in atto un processo di secolarizzazione della famiglia, vale a dire l'eliminazione dell'esperienza religiosa del sacro dalla vita quotidiana. La famiglia, nel suo stesso essere e vivere, prescinde da Dio. Il padre viene spogliato dal ruolo di testimone del Padre Divino. Tutte le esperienze vitali, dalla sessualità all'alimentazione, dal lavoro al gioco, vengono desacralizzate, private di qualsiasi significato spirituale.
Con Lutero, che divide l'esperienza umana tra il mondo di Dio e quello dell'uomo e indica la famiglia e il divorzio come appartenenti all'ordine terreno sottomessi alle autorità secolari e alla ragione, inizia la secolarizzazione della famiglia.
In Occidente, insieme col processo di industrializzazione, incomincia la svalutazione della figura paterna, centrata sul possesso materiale, la promozione sociale e il sapere intellettuale. Col crescere della materializzazione della vita, il padre diventa un "amministratore" della famiglia e il centro della famiglia passa dal padre alla madre. Oggi le donne prevalgono in tutto il sistema educativo.
La trasformazione dell'uomo in una massa amorfa avviene con i totalitarismi, che distruggono la famiglia e in modo particolare del padre, delegandolo a portavoce del regime. Dai grandi totalitarismi nascono le guerre mondiali, dove i padri partono, stanno lontano da casa per anni e molti muoiono.
Anche la società dei consumi, che passa attraverso la non educazione del padre e delle figure vicariali del padre, genera masse amorfe. Questo modello, che propone la ricerca del proprio egoistico interesse, tende a mantenere l'individuo in uno stadio infantile, impedendogli di evolversi fino ai più sviluppati livelli della coscienza. Per es. l'incapacità di reggere la tensione dell'attesa o della mediazione, la manifestazione plateale del sentimento, che viene spettacolarizzato e diventa superficiale; l'impossibilità di introspezione.
Ciò genera un'identità debole, che vive nell'angoscia della provvisorietà, e un senso di vuoto, che viene spesso metaforicamente riempito con l'assunzione di sostanze oppure con l'ingestione di credenze fabbricate, politiche o pseudoreligiose.
L'appagamento del bisogno passa attraverso il desiderio. Si consuma ma non si gode. La persone non sanno oggi qual è il suo desiderio più profondo.
C'è un rapido diffusione del divorzio. In America, che mostra il trend dell'Occidente, 1 su 2 matrimoni finisce con il divorzio e le proiezioni dicono che saranno 2 su 3. Il padre, espulso dalla famiglia, deve andarsene. Negli USA le statistiche dicono che 90% degli homeless non ha un padre o che la maggioranza dei giovani in carcere o suicidi non ha il padre o è assente. Non avere il padre è un fattore di rischio di devianza.
Io nonostante tutto sono ottimista perché siamo al limite. Gli organismi ha l'istinto di guarigione. La malattia è un incidente di percorso. L'individuo vuole crescere.
La crisi del maschile è la crisi di rapporto con il padre, che non gli ha passato il sapere del maschile. I padri non insegnano ai figli a comportarsi come uomini.
Alcune domande:
Qual'è il danno più grave determinato dall'assenza del padre?
Il danno peggiore è la perdita della libertà e dell'autostima. Non su diventa liberi perché non può dire di no, perché il padre non dà più delle regole. Il padre, invece, deve proporre la sua visione del mondo. Più l'individuo è consapevole del proprio valore, più forte è la sua relazione con la vita, e viceversa.
La società non è sempre buona. C'è spesso opposizione tra libertà individuale e potere. C'è una guerra contro la famiglia. L'assenza del padre trasforma ogni uomo da essere partecipe del mondo vivente creato dal Padre in un individuo solo, senza una vera relazione di fratellanza colle altre creature, perché privo di relazione col loro Padre. Dunque isolato, senza difese, questo individuo è sempre più spinto ad appiattirsi sulla massa, che lo priva di ogni autonomia, assumendo in modo totalitario il posto di guida lasciato vacante dal padre d'amore.
Meglio un cattivo padre o un padre assente?
E' molto meglio un padre che cerca di fare il padre, anche se sbaglia, piuttosto che un padre assente. Un cattivo padre è un oggetto di avversione e odio, ma un padre assente crea insicurezza.
Se manca il padre, la madre può ricoprire entrambi i ruoli?
In assenza del genitore, la cosa migliore è ricorrere a figure maschili supplenti del padre (parenti, insegnanti, educatori, allenatori, sacerdoti?).
Madre e padre hanno ruoli differenti. La madre colma il bisogno e provvedere alla vita. Dall'affetto che la madre prova per il figlio dipenderà poi la sua capacità di volersi bene. La madre deve poi fare un passo indietro per permettere all'uomo di fare un passo avanti, cioè deve accettare la rottura della simbiosi con il figlio. La madre può infatti ostacolare l'autonomia del figlio, per volerlo tutto per sé e non cederlo.
Come si può vedere se il proprio genitore è stato un buon padre?
Si vede se la ragazza sviluppa una buona auto-stima e se il ragazzo si identifica pienamente nel ruolo maschile.
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